YamChamp - Based Bandit Adventures!
by Based Bandit
Summary: The inside scoop and basedgod adventures of Yamcha
1. Based Break Up Pt 10 outa 50

Rating is Mature cause I understand that the language is too based for some folk.

**.**

**YamChamp**  
><strong>.<strong>  
><strong>Based Bandit Adventures <strong>

(Original Story, _thatwouldkindabe_ approved by Akira Toriyama. DO NOT STEAL!)

**Chapter 1. **  
><strong>Based Break Up. Pt 10 outa 50<strong>

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><p>"Stop lying to me.." Bulma spoke, puffing out her cheeks in a pout as she narrowed her eyes down at the Strawberry Banana Razamatash smoothie <strong>I <strong>bought for her at Jamba Juice.

That's where we were at by the way, Jamba Juice- Not no cheap ass Orange Juilius. I knew for a fact that only scrub ass niggas took their bitches to rundown, knock-off establishments like that when they didn't have enough paper in their wallet for a fuckin' Pomegranate Paradise smoothie, let alone a fuckin' cup of ice water at Starbucks, unlike **ME**.  
><strong>I <strong>was the best mothafuckin' player on the Hercule City Taitans! I was getting all the chedder and swiss from that boss-ass job, and thanks to that, I was making it rain on my soon to be Ex, Bulma Briefs..

It was a nice ass day out.. the sun was shining, Chinese niggas and human-ass animals were walking down the populated streets of the inner city and shit, enjoying the fuck out of their day... While I was sitting inside of dope ass Jamba juice, about to argue with my bae who was trippin' at the moment..  
>She caught me slippin earlier.. I knew I had to play it off.<p>

"Hm? I didn't quite hear you- Did you say something Bulma, or am I hearin' shit?" I said aloud, but mosly to myself as I eased both my hands behind the awesome hearing aids,_ bedazzled with 50 carat diamond earrangs that I bought with my fuckin money for my boss ass birthday last month_- known as my ears.

We were about to get into another arguement about Kami knows what, and I was ready to brush that shit under the finest and most expensive figurative persian rug brah..

"You know what I'm talking about Yamcha!" she snapped, the tone of annoyance apparent in her voice. "I saw you looking at that girl back there.. You're always looking at other girls."

"More like: _They're always looking at __**me**_." I corrected, raising my _'You better check yourself' _finger to her. "I swear Bulma, it seems like everywhere we go, women eye me like I'm just some hunk of meat- A hunk of meat decked in the freshest J's, most expensive diamonds, and flyest gucci suits. They see me for my money that I make on the team, nothing more. They don't see me as Yamcha- They just see me as a fresh ass nigga that got dolla's to spend on'em. But I ain't like that.. you know that. I just wish they were like you Bulma." I uttered in the lowest of tones, smiling warmly as I reached to hold that hoe's left hand.

She smiled like the stupid bitch I knew she was. "Teehee, yeah! Girls these days right?!"

"Right." I agreed, retracting my hand to later rub whatever germs and bacteria I gripped on the fabric of my sweatpants.

That's right. I was wearing sweatpants and a Lil B 'Based God' sweatshirt with the sleeves ripped off on a warm ass day- So what? The attire was comfortable as fuck, looked good on me, and I knew if any random ass nigga wanted to step to me to try and front for other niggas, or paparazzi cuz I'm famous 'nd shit, my fresh ass attire was loose, expensive and breathable enough for me to knock the shit out of any nigga.  
>Why?<p>

Cause that was just the type of Chinese nigga I am..  
>That's the type of Chinese nigga I'm always gonna be...<p>

Speaking of Chinese niggas, I was wondering just how my fam back at the Kame house was doing. That nigga Roshi was always cool- blazin' it whenever the fuck he wanted and chillin' around his house cause he was just **THAT DUDE**, while those pussy ass niggas Oolong and Krillin sat around and.. ate each other out or some shit.. cause that's what faggots do.  
>They weren't my fam. When I said "<em>fam<em>" before, I only meant Roshi, and maybe my nigga Tien, but not those pussies. Oh and my nigga Goku too, but fuck his son. Gohan hella weak.

"I swear, I'm the luckiest girl in the world." Bulma said in a lovesick sigh as she rested the weight of her chin in her right palm- snapping me outta my prior thoughts, but not really cause I'm a focused-ass nigga with an I.Q of 10,000.

I smirked, knowing damn well I was runnin' through this bitch's mind like my name was Usain Bolt- but it wasn't, It was Yamcha.. Yamcha_** Based-Bandit **_Bolt, my nigga.

"Yeah, you a lucky ass girl. All these random ass THOTs wanna be you bae, cause they know you messin' with a top tier ass nigga like me!"

"Yeah.. but HEy!-"

"Also cause you're beautiful and stuff _I guess_." I added, just to make sure she didn't get mad or something.

I been dating Bulma on and off for years, and I learned over time that if you didn't pay her a compliment_ at least _once a day, she'd flip and want to break up.

She was so conceited and manipulative. Usin' my heart and treatin' my luv like it was some kind of joke. I was sick of that honestly.  
>The only real reason I was allowing her to stay in a relationship with me tho, was because I was giving that hoe multiple chances to change from her dark and often miguided ways, cause that was the kind of nice, humble, rich ass nigga I was.<p>

I rolled my eyes, already annoyed by the thought of how childish and strayed Bulma was, but I kept it to myself, cause I knew when to be composed and stuff- I didn't let pety shit get to me. _**I **_was the bigger man in **every **situation **no matter what**.

"I'mma head to the Fam's house to say wassup, okay?"

I said it in a question, but I meant it as a bold ass statement of what I was **gonna do **cause I couldn't be stopped. Bulma didn't get that nor did she respect it.. that was another thing that I was getting sick of.

"_Huuuuuuh_?" she said in a whine like those over animated sensei-desu japanese bitches would say. "But Yamcha, it's Date-day, I thought we'd go eat at Red Lobster after this and-"

"Bulma please!" I voiced, almost shaking the damn room with the bass in my fuckin throat 'nd shit alone. "Did I just buy you the best fuckin' smoothie here **or NAW**? Did we not spend time with each other for about 30 minutes, **or NAW**?"

"W-We did, but-"

"But you still want mo' of my money right?! I swear, you da' same hoe that flashed me her tits back in the summer of '98-"

"Whoa, Yamcha wait-"

"We're done Bulma. I can't deal with'chu right now. I honestly thought you was a down bitch that loved me for me, but now you talking about me takin' you to 5 star restaurants like **Red Lobster**- **RED LOBSTER MY NIGGA? IS YOU SERIOUS? **You actin' like I got'a wine and dine you 'nd shit **ALL THE TIME**... nigga please. I'm out."

I stretched my arms out like I was a damn model airplane before reaching the door and exiting the establishment- only then did I slide my lotioned ass hands in the pockets of my dope ass sweats and stunt down the street like the boss ass nigga I was.  
>I was free of that conceited hoe Bulma and done with her money suckin' ways.<p>

Now I was headin' to the Fam's house to say wassup.

* * *

><p><span><strong>On the Next Chapter of YamChamp- Based Bandit Adventures:<strong>

Things will get pretty based. Thank you Lil B.


	2. Wut Uup Rosh!

Thanks for being Based.

* * *

><p><span><strong>YamChamp<strong>  
><strong>.<strong>  
><strong>Based Bandit Adventures <strong>

(Original Story, thatwouldkindabe approved by Akira Toriyama. DO NOT STEAL!)

**Chapter 2. **  
><strong>wut uup Rosh!<strong>

* * *

><p>"<strong>WUT UP FAM-LAYYY<strong>!" My angelic ass voice sang out, as I kicked open the door to Roshi's house and held my arms up- ready for Real-Nigga hugs. "It's been awhile! How you _bin_?"

Roshi was the first to greet me with a real-nigga-sage look combo'd with a sage-nod while Krillin, Oolong and that dumbass Turtle waved all happily 'nd shit, sitting around some small traditional-ass table in the front room.  
>I scoffed like an offended rich-ass european art dealer that just got low-balled for a prized piece for the first time in his boss-ass life, before rolling my eyes then taking a comfortable ass seat next to Roshi- where that nigga hit me with a sage-nod once more. The respect was <strong>so real <strong>when it came to him that it almost brought me to tears, but it didn't cause I was a real nigga that didn't have time to cry.

"Yoooo~ What-up _Yam-Yam_!" Krillin hit me with, holding up his right hand as if he were expectin a high-five or any action that woud deem him worth some acknowledgement or any ounce of respect.

I glanced at that nigga for a good 5 seconds before eyeing that nigga up and down like he was crazy, only to later watch that stewie griffin knock-off frown then lower his head and sit his dumbass down.

Oolong awkwardly glanced around the room for a second before releasing nervous chuckles to greet me.

"Heh-heh! SO uh.. Yamcha, how've you been buddy? How's work? I see the Taitans have been winning so many games-"

"My nigga, if you already know we winnin' games, how you gonna ask me hows work and how've I been?" I questioned, watching that hopeless ham-slice cower before me.

"I um- I well uh, i-i"

" UM-WELL!- I UH!- **Shut up lil bitch**."

I said it in warning. Letting that porky-pig ass nigga know that if he said another word, I'd beat his lil ass.  
>He got the memo. Cause no less than a second after I said that, he bit his tongue, zipped his lips then looked to his lap like the weak, spineless, worthless waste of space he, I and everyone in the world knew he was.<p>

Thats right.. After I slayed them two, silence finished off the job and came at the meaningless noise coming from both Oolong and Krillin and overkilled their shit that instant. The only thing left that spoke volumes was Roshi's cable and **my **realness.

". . . ."

"So how you been boy?" Roshi asked without even lookin' at me.

I glanced at him, but not for long as I knew I wasn't at a point in my life where I could look to that nigga eye-to-eye. Besides, he was watching tv, and I didn't want to be rude or weird as fuck by staring at him while he was doing that.  
>So, like the real Chinese nigga I was, I lowered my head humbly and shrugged my shoulders to his words..<p>

"I've been alright Roshi. Things are good."

"How's work? I've read in the newspaper that your team is winning games."

"Aw yeah, you kno' I been training really hard to be the best. I don't even think I'd make it to the top of the team much less make it in life if it wasn't for you, Rosh'"

Rather than say anything, Roshi nodded. As if he knew I wasn't shit and would be nothing but shit without him. It was fucked up, but completely true. Dude' changed my life- I was nothin but a humble ass Chinese nigga scrappin in dem streets and stealin whatever i could git to have minez and make it, but yeah that all changed with Roshi... and Goku I guess.

"Ayy, _speakin' o'dat nigga_," I mumbled aloud to myself, but kinda to everyone else cause I wanted them to hear, respect and pay attention to me- A **REAL** Nigga. "-where Goku at? Ya'll seen'im?"

"Well.." Roshi started, seconds before strokin his sage-beard.

I paid every ounce of the real ass attention I had ever harbored in my being since birth to Roshi- cause I respected that nigga so much and shit. But apparently he didn't know what to say, or didn't have any answers, cause the more attention I paid to that nigga, the longer he stayed silent.  
>It was weird... but I didn't say <strong>ANYTHING<strong>.  
>If anything, I figured it was a test of sorts.. to see if Roshi thought I'd disrespect him or some shit.. pshhh, nah. I wasn't that dumb.. in fact, I wasn't dumb at all.. My intelligence was damn near on Einsteins level, so yeah. That was that.<p>

Anyway, I sat and waited for Roshi to continue speaking, but then rude ass Krillin hopped up instantly speaking with whatever random ass idea in his head.

"Oh! You know what? I think Goku's with Ch-"

I held a hand out to that nigga, I didn't even have to use my words. Krillin knew that my doing that was a silent but humbly polite means to tell him to stop what he was doing that instant..  
>It was then I watched that bitch-boy lower his head again then sit down and shut up as he had been doing his whole life, and luckily for me, the moment that happened, Roshi spoke.<p>

"..You know what? I think Goku's with Chi-Chi, Yamcha.."

"Oh really?" I let out, finally resting my hand I held to Krillin on the table. "Man, Bro hasn't stopped by at all?"

Roshi shook his head. "You know how that boy is.. he workin and doin' his thing.. he's got a family now Yamcha. Don't tell me you've forgotten..?"

I laughed, smacking my hand on the table a few times before slapping my right knee.

"Oh fuck I almost forgot!"

I was laughin hella hard cause it was just HILARIOUS to me that stupid ass nigga Goku got married hella young and shit- everybody knew that nigga got tricked into marrying Chi-Chi at the tournament of '04 back in the day! Like.. that nigga's mental state when it came to common knowledge was damn near dismal, and that gurl still wanted him!  
>THEN she chained that nigga down when they had a dumbass, stupid ass, weak ass son a year later! DAMN!<p>

I laughed again, smacked the table again, then slapped my knee again.  
>That shit was funny.<p>

"Whew! Well good for him. He deserves it." I said with a smile and good energy even though I half-heartedly didn't mean that shit.

Goku had always been givin' me trouble and stealin my shine and shittin' on me since he was a kid even when I was back on the streets strugglin. So I had no problem half-heartedly meaning anything when I spoke to him, or being a nuisance to that nigga in any way.. Matter o' fact.

"Imma visit him 'nd see how bro is doin'." I announced, standing from the table. "It was good seeing you Roshi."

Again that nigga gave me a sage-nod, and in return I bowed my entire body in respect to him.

Krillin jumped up immediately, waving both his arms at me that moment.

" Eu-! L-Later YAMCHa! Catch you la-"

Again, I held my hand out to that certified lameboy and watched him shut up real fast. After that, I turned with the swiftness, allowing my lucious locks and tresses to effortlessly billow around me like I was in a damn L'Oreal hair care commercial and I left the Kame house.

I was on my way to see GOku now to see what was up with that fool and check out his lame ass family.

* * *

><p><strong>On the Next Chapter of YamChamp- Based Bandit Adventures:<strong>

Things will get pretty based again. Thank you Based God.


	3. Chillin' with the Son's

Thanks for being Based.

* * *

><p><strong><span>YamChamp<span>**  
><strong>.<strong>  
><strong>Based Bandit Adventures<strong>

(Original Story, thatwouldkindabe approved by Akira Toriyama. DO NOT STEAL!)

**Chapter 3. **  
><strong>Chillin with the Son's<strong>

* * *

><p>I flew over GOku's house with the quickness, landing just before his front door and swatting the hell outta my face, arms and elbows. This dumbass country bumpkin ass Chinese-nigga was out here livin' in the boonies, so there was nothing but bugs forests and wild ass bears and dinosaurs living around the area.<br>That shit made **no **sense to me.  
>Not to say I wasn't about that country life.. but Goddamn. A Chinese-nigga like me don't fux with bears and dino's bruh.<br>Like.. I could beat the shit outta them but at the same time, I'm about that PETA life. Animals are cool.

They cool to live. They cool to eat. They cool to wear too.

"Speakin' of which, I got a fresh-ass gator suit I gotta wear tomorrow.." i muttered under my fresh ass minty breath.

There was no specific reason why I had to wear that gator suit, other than me just wanting to look fly on a fresh ass day, but yeah. I was just sayin that... just cause I was thinkin' of animals and shit.

I smirked and snickered for a good 7 seconds, going so far as to even nod at my own thoughts and statements before raising my right hand to knock on the Son Family's door. They had my rich ass waiting for about 2 long ass minutes, but I was cool about it.. I mean, I was a patient ass dude- so patient, nice, humble and almighty like the Heavenly Buddha **himself**.  
>Anyways after waiting <strong><em>FOREVER<em>**, Chi-Chi opened the door and **I** graced her with **my** presence.

"Oh.. Yamcha.." she said in greeting, her tone less than enthusiastic. "What're you doing here? -and so randomly too?"

I cringed to her tone as I felt it could've been better and it was disrespectful as fuck.

"Whoa easy," I spoke, raising my hands up like a nigga about to be frisked. "I just stopped by to see what was up with the fam-"

"We're not your '_fam_' Yamcha. Now what're you _really_ doing here?"

I paused because her tone was really getting to me.. but after I pieced myself together, I politely said. "Chi-Chi chill, I'm just tryna say hi. What'chu trippin for, damn geez!"

She squinted her eyes, judging me and my motives- which I don't blame her for-  
>I was tryna mess with Goku outta fun and love brah! But not like in faggot gay homosexual way or nuthin'.. I mean, I loved that nigga like fam' but not like <strong>that<strong>.. AND WHEN I SAY 'FAM' I MEAN, even tho we asian and shit, and some families do that love shit between cousins or whatever our love wasn't like that!  
>I MEAN-<p>

naw fuck it, forget everything I just said.  
>I didn't love that nigga Goku.<br>He was aight.. but I had no love for that dude.

Anyway, Chi-Chi was still squintin' at me with an ample amount of visual annoyance apparent in her eyes. The heat of her stare left my rich ass feelin' like I was an expensive ass gingerbread cookie baking under the intense fires of a modded up Easy Bake Oven, but.. yeah I wasn't a cookie, I was Yamcha, the most based Chinese-nigga in the world.

I nodded at my own mental statement, prompting Chi-Chi to raise a brow and look at me as if something was wrong with me, but I mean, that was** and never would** **be** the case. Aint **NOTHIN** wrong with my rich, amazing, ferociously attractive, humble ass!

I nodded again to my own mental statement/compliment, and while doing so, Goku finally reached the door, looking shocked to see me- which I understood. If I was him, I'd be shocked to see a celebrity too.

"Eyyyy, my dude Goku! **WUZ! REALLY! GUD!** my Chigga!?" I said in a laugh as slithered passed Chi-Chi like a fresh ass python and went in to give Goku a real-nigga handshake that consisted of knocking that Chiggas fist around then finishing it off normal _european_ handshake.

It was supposed to be cool and casual, but Goku's backwater white-washed ass had to be all awkward about it and barely participate. I gave a real-nigga dap to a flimsy ass palm for 30 seconds for no reason basically, and on top of that, when the whole formage of greeting was finished, that dumbass just awkwardly looked at me like **I **was the fool in the situation- like **I **did something wrong... dafuck?

It was nothing to me though. I didn't let it get to me. I knew way back in the day Goku was down to do all kinds of fresh real nigga stuff, like playing rock paper scissors with niggas he was beating the shit out of and stuff-  
>He was <strong>REAL <strong>like that, but ever since he settled down and got a family that Chigga walked about like he wasn't about that life- Like he wasn't down or ever been apart of it.. What a fake ass nigga.

I was about to tell him that shit!  
>but not today.. I didn't want to ruin the day because of <strong><em>his<em>** negative ass attitude.

"Ey, so how you been, Goku?"

"I've been good. And yourself?" he answered then counter-questioned in a pompous tone of voice just seconds before letting out a tiny sigh.

That nigga had the audacity to breathe hard when all I was doing was being nice..  
>If anything, I was 2 seconds away from smacking the shit out of that nigga..<br>But I didn't want to do that in front of Chi-Chi, that was disrespectful and I didn't want her to be scared of me or nothin.. She was a coo' girl that I had a bit of history with.. so yeah it was for her... and the fact that I was a humble Chigga that wasn't about to ruin his own day by opening the biggest can of whoop-ass on a backyard bumpkin like Goku.

Nah.. didn't want to ruin my day.  
>Nor did I want to lose a semi-good friend.<br>Goku was **so **lucky that I was a nice guy.

Anyway, I smiled at that dude, nodding a few times before shrugging then answering his question.

"Mehh.. I've been good. I've been kicking ass on my baseball team, making mad stacks of dolla's and shit.. partyin', hookin' up with all kinds of bitches, y'know the usual.."

Chi-Chi scoffed at my language, shaking her head a few times before hoppin' her lazy ass out of the convo and making her way to the back of her home or somethin. It was all good to me, cause she was nothin' but a fuckin' buzzkill honestly.. besides, I knew Goku only acted like a whack ass square only when she was around- he was about to get real with me now.

I smirked at that Chigga, ready to be greeted with real-nigga respect, but all I got instead was a look of disapproval.

I rose my brow for a second then folded my arms, feeling absolutely out of place and uncomfortable.

What was up with the negative ass attitude and the Son house, forreal!?

Goku sighed, shutting his eyes and ultimately cutting his vision from all that was great, humble and holy- _which was __**me**_.

"Yamcha.. how many times do I have to tell you to watch your language in front of Chi-Chi. You know she doesn't like it when you talk like that."

"PFffft! Y'kno I don't mean half the shit I say! But you know what, it don't even matter! She's a lame anyway brah! Now that she's gone, we can talk how we want to and shit!"

I said it all while laughing as I hopped to give dude a real-nigga hug, but with the swiftness, Goku held up his right arm between us so the real-nigga hug couldn't be completed.. afterward he slowly eased me a few steps back, pausing for a second as he furrowed his brows in.. perhaps annoyance or.. confusion..

". . . What did you call Chi-Chi?" he asked calmly.

My skin chilled after his words... NOT cause I was scared or anything, but because my sleeveless Lil B sweatshirt wasn't providing much warmth or coverage out in the breezy boonies..

"Uhhm.." I started, watching dude slowly ball his fists.

I couldn't breathe.

"Oh **FUCK** bruh! What time is it?" I questioned, making sure I sounded slightly hysterical. "Man! Bruh! I think I gotta go! I forgot that I left the oven on at my house and I had a date today and stuff! I'll catch you later Goku, gotta fly!"

I called that out a single second before Superman'ing my shit outta there.  
>I couldn't believe I had forgotten that I had stuff to do that I completely forgot and couldn't remember!<p>

I was out to do that for the rest of my day, and never return to GOku's house ever.

* * *

><p><strong>On the Next Chapter of YamChamp- Based Bandit Adventures:<strong>

Things will get to the pretty based plot. Thank you Lil B.


End file.
